[in los angeles, still]
claratin is like... the most wondrous thing.



i guess i'm too chicken to really commit to a decision.

ON ANYTHING.

when i get back to new york (in a somewhat specific order):

order a real thing of coffee by a frosted window, finish reading my books, get laid, have a ciggarette and sit by a fire with my dog.

in los angeles for winter break:
adoring the western sun, adoring the smallness of her kid cousins, adoring the blood that runs through even loose ends, adoring anyone with energy (ones who don't waste time in front of a computer screen blogging), adoring her new guitar.
waiting (with more patience than expected) to get home to her boy friend, her friends, feet of snow, and the smutty atlantic ocean.

-picking up blogging again, hoping that writing things down will help me remember things-

i'm in the middle of reading Kerouac's On the Road and it's making me itch for a long open road that's gonna read like a blank book. i want to be able to understand this world, without an ear to the grapevine; there's no empathy in that.
one of these days, i'm going to take a road trip across country.
[except i wish i had a pair of balls instead of breasts. or that men weren't so lecherous. guns and knives, my friends.]

but there's another pipe dream.
this one runs like a steam freighter across the states, coughing up gas.
this one's do-able though.

i knew i was going to regret going at this book pen-less.
how am i supposed to find a respectable quote?
what the fuck.
inaction makes me reliant on fate.
so on some random turned-to page:
"We were all delighted, we all realized we were leaving confusion and nonsense behind and performing out one and noble function of time, move. And we moved!"

seems fair.

[ don't we want originality?
pioneers and diamond diggers
beggars for prospect and something [anything] genuine and ours
so it's something that's ours.
to love like a child. ]

i'm thinking... maybe i'd be better taking a year off?

finding a job, getting an apartment close to campus?

maybe that'll get me organized. haha?

maybe not organized - maybe more like prioritized.

p.s. www.myspace.com/annonsh